Azhrialilu Dot Com

Just a bit of silliness to lighten the day!

 Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal,mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you’ll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans… Another vegetable. It’s the best feel good food around!
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
Have a cookie… flour is a veggie!

Popularity: 13% [?]

Clay Cross is a former mining village and civil parish in the North East Derbyshire district of Derbyshire, England on the outskirts of Chesterfield.  It is directly on the A61, the former Roman road Rykneild Street.  Surrounding settlements include North Wingfield, Tupton, Pilsley and Ashover.  There is an approximate population of 8,573.

Why am I describing this little village to you?  Because I’m convinced that (as the post title suggests) it’s the fast food capital of England.  Honestly, there are more takeaways and restaurants in this tiny village than I’ve seen in larger towns!!  Not a week goes by where we don’t get a menu through the door from yet another new takeaway that’s opened and it’s always located in Clay Cross!

Take a look at the size of the place - googlemap of Clay Cross.

 Now take a look at the list of fast food places/restaurants that I know of (and this is by no means the entire list!)

• Bateman’s Mill
• Clay Oven
• Ed Nelson’s Diner
• Blue Bell Inn
• Massarella’s Restaurant and Coffee Shop
• Moonlight Tandoori
• Ocean City
• Pappano’s
• Paradise Tandoori
• Wongs
• Pirate Pizza
• Kebab and Curry House
• Chubbys
• Five Star Pizza
• Huang Ying
• Lou’s Place
• Honda’s Fishbar and Chinese Takeaway
• Leon’s
• The Oriental Pearl
• The Cannon
• Princes

I mean come on! How many places to eat out does a tiny village need?  Does no-one cook their own food in Clay Cross???  I’d like to know how all these places survive, I really would!

Popularity: 8% [?]

I managed to get into my old textpattern database and copy all my original posts across to the new blog.  Unfortunately, while I could access the comments, I couldn’t import them back in without having to sit and register as every person who’s posted which, while I could do, could cause problems later if those people wanted to reply to anything again under their usual names, so I erred on the side of caution and left the posts without comments.  While that makes it look like nobody ever replies to me, it also saves any problems later for my regular readers who decide to reply/comment.

More good news is that It’s A Bitch Thing is finally online.  This is collaborative blog between a group of people (and people are welcome to apply to join as a contributer/editor by emailing admin@itsabitchthing.com with examples of their writing) who are opinionated and like to speak their mind but also enjoy hearing other peoples points of view too and, speaking on behalf of the other bloggers who are part of the site, we welcome anyone who would like to join in.

More good news (on a personal front) is that the kids went back to school yesterday!!! *does a happy dance*  It’ll likely take a couple of days to get back into the normal routine, but once we’re back to that you should see more activity here.

Popularity: 17% [?]

I know I have a few regular visitors to my blog now (how amazing is that?) so I actually feel like I’m not talking to myself anymore :p. You might have noticed a distinct lack of blog history here, which is a total pain in the arse.  Something appeared to have gone wrong with the site this morning and no matter what I did to resolve it, it just wouldn’t fix.  So having spent the last few hours attempting to restore backups, reinstalling and generally cursing at the screen, I gave it up as a bad job and figured I’d have to rebuild.  Since I was being forced to rebuild, I decided to move over to WordPress - something I’d been considering for the last month or so.  I’d looked into it before but, by all accounts, the import process from TextPattern to WordPress doesn’t work properly so I hadn’t bothered.  Not having much choice today decided to use the screw up in a positive way and rebuild.

 Now, I think I still have copies of all the sites I was linking to, but if yours was there and is now missing feel free to drop me a line and I’ll put it back up.  I’m going to attempt to hack into my backup database of textpattern and see if I can restore my original posts - even if I can’t restore the comments.  Let’s hope!

In the meantime I’ve set up a new style and will spend the next few hours setting up the blog (once again) to my liking.  At least now I can add all the widgets I was missing

Popularity: 7% [?]

It’s 2008 – officially. At least I think every time zone has hit the new year now anyway. Let’s just take it as read that they have :-p

If my day is any indication of the coming year then I think I’m going back to bed and staying there. Let me talk you through my January 1st 2008 morning.

7am Alice wakes up, I manage to get her to go back to sleep and drift off again myself.

7.15am Erin and Caty wake up. I spend the next half an hour listening to them fight with each other at full volume.

7.45am Alice wakes up again wanting her morning feed, so I drag myself out of bed and go downstairs.

7.48am I open the kitchen door and tread (barefoot) into a puddle of dog pee. The dog obviously couldn’t keep his legs crossed all night.. yuck! Unfortunately the lightswitch for the kitchen is not near the door but on the opposite side of the kitchen so it’s a slow bleary-eyed trip across the kitchen floor to get to the light without treading in even more stinky wetness.

7.50am We have light!!!! Taking note of the wet patches, I shepherd the dog out into the garden and start cleaning the kitchen floor.

7.55 Floor cleaned and make up bottle for the baby. Decided at this point that it was hardly worth going back to bed and let the girls come down from their respective bedrooms. Shannon was already ensconced on the sofa by this point watching television. Oh there’s nothing quite like the dulcet tones of Dora the Explorer at not quite 8 in the morning (cue sarcasm).

8am Baby gone back to sleep so leave her in her cot with her dad (who’s not in the cot, obviously, but in bed) and return back downstairs and sort out the girls breakfasts.

And on it went from there in a cleaning house kind of way…. oh what fun!

How did you spend your first day of the new year? Hopefully it was better than mine!

Popularity: 6% [?]